Shadows and Regrets
by Phantom Kisser
Summary: Placed at Grimmauld Place after Dumbledore's death. Snape finds the letter from Lily and is flooded with memories. Oneshot! Enjoy! Songfic.


As Snape crouched down, a small huddled mass on the filthy floor, he gazed  
upon the letter. It was written in the hand he so longed to see again. Large  
curling letters filled the page in neat lines. Her writing was always  
beautiful, just like her. Severus blinked back tears as memories of Lily  
flooded his brain. Just make it stop. But his thoughts refused to obey; he  
saw her. Every smile she gave him, every comforting word was replayed again  
and again, but much more frequently the horrible memories of her screaming  
and crying to him were revisited, the ones where she was pleading him to   
leave the path he had begun to tread. As he recalled the shimmering tears  
streaking her cheeks as she handed him the last note he ever received from  
her, and the last words she ever spoke to him, 'Goodbye, Sev.' his entire  
body convulsed and he began to shake and moan. And to his great surprise he  
began to recite the one muggle song he'd ever committed to memory. It was  
Lily's favourite and now seemed so fitting he could hardly help but to do   
so. He began with his voice shaking,

"Empty spaces  
fill me up with holes  
Distant faces  
with no place left to go

Without you within me  
I can't find no rest  
Where I'm going  
is anybody's guess,"

Snape paused a moment, collecting himself and his wits. He had found himself  
nearly in tears again. Now he felt almost obligated to finish the song. It  
was nearly as if Lily herself was there, and he was begging her. Begging her  
for forgiveness.

"I tried to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me  
I should carry on  
But I am swimming  
in an ocean all alone

Baby, my baby  
It's written on your face  
You still wonder  
if we made a big mistake,"

Lily now stood right before him now her face flushed with anger and pain.  
She was crying as she held his hand in hers, 'I can't love you anymore. Not  
when you act this way; if this is really what you've become, I can't follow  
you. I can't make excuses any longer. I'll miss you, but I miss you already.  
I'm lonely without the boy I knew. I think he might be gone.'

'Lily, no! I'm not like them I swear! I love you Lily, don't leave!'

Despite his endeavors, her hand slipped away from his and he found himself  
once again on the floor of Grimmauld Place with his arms outstretched as if  
to snatch her back from the grave,

'My poor Lily, what have I done? What have I done to you?'

"I tried to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I don't mean to drag it on,  
but I can't seem to let you go  
I don't wanna make you face this world alone  
I wanna let you go

I tried to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

I'm always going to be incomplete."

His heart broke again, falling to crumbling bits of ash in his chest. Lily  
shone in gold above him, this time it was no memory he had never seen her  
like this before. She appeared to him fully grown, a beautiful woman. Light  
encircled her like a halo. She looked like an angel, but when she spoke it  
was the same crystal voice he had always heard,

"Me too. Do you remember

When we were only kids  
And we were best of friends  
And we hoped for the best  
And let go of the rest

I heard, heard myself  
Say things I take back  
If I could, could retell  
And make these stories last

I see, see shadows  
Of who you'll always be  
I drive, drive these roads  
Made of memories

When we were only kids  
And we were best of friends  
And we hoped for the best  
And let go from the rest  
Shadows and regrets  
We let go from the rest

Everything has changed  
Faces stay the same  
Everything has changed  
Faces stay the same

And we were only kids  
And our time couldn't end  
And how tall did we stand  
With the world in my hands

And we were only kids  
And we were best of friends  
And we hoped for the best  
And let go of the rest  
And shadows and regrets  
We let go of the rest  
Shadows and Regrets  
We let go of the rest."

"I remember," there were no other words to be spoken. She smiled and  
disappeared though the scent of her perfume lingered. He collected himself  
and left the house, taking the second page of the letter with him. Lots of  
Love, Lily. Yes, that's what he needed.


End file.
